My sweet baby girl celebrated her two month birthday recently and I feel as though I just met her! We first held her in our arms when she was 20 days old and we’ve had her home with us for just over eight weeks. “Time flies” feels like an understatement around here lately. It seems as if she was in her newborn clothes for a few days and now her little legs are quickly lengthening making some of her 3 month sleepers already obsolete. We are out of newborn diapers and into number ones! I just put away the 4 ounce bottles and brought out the gigantic 8 ouncers. I just met you sweet baby, how are you growing out of 3 month old clothing already!
She’s a sweet baby. She loves to snuggle and be near you. She loves to feel your warmth and cuddle on your chest. She’s started sleeping about 4-5 hours at night, which seems like a dream compared to her brothers who wake us up multiple times for very “urgent” reasons.
“Mommy, I gotta go pee pee.”
“Daddy, I want a hug from you!”
“I want some fruit snacks.”
“I want an applesauce pouchy!”
“Mommy, my blankets fell off.”
“I need some water.”
“I’m all wet!”
“I want my gushy-goo.” (name given to tiny McDonald’s stuffed toy we are recently obsessed with)
When the boys were little, for the most part, I took care of their feedings throughout the night, so I could help ensure my hubby got enough sleep for work the next day. I’d push it all week doing this and then glorious Friday night would come around and I would sequester myself in the basement bedroom and my hubby would take over care and feedings of the babies for Friday and Saturday night. I would enjoy two full nights of sleep and get myself rejuvenated to go back into sleep and feeding battle all week long.
So, when this little one came along, we thought we’d try that same routine again. I took the late night feedings during the week and my hubby did the weekends. Well, we tried it and I noticed one morning something strange. The night while my hubby had baby duty, I was awoken at least five times by our three year old twins for some of the urgent reasons listed above. I noticed the next morning, that while I had set three bottles out for my hubby to feed the baby throughout the night, only one of the bottles was used up in the morning. When my husband woke in the morning, I asked, “Did the baby wake up once last night for a bottle?!” He happily said, “Yes!’ and let’s just say that now we fight over weekend baby care, because we know it’s easier than toddler care!
It’s all a season right?!
2015 was a year riddled with painful and emotional adoption losses. We were at the point where each night while lying in bed, we’d ask each other this question, “So, where are you at as far as adoption goes?” And for months, we each lingered somewhere between 90 and 99.8%, “we’re done with adoption.” It wasn’t that we no longer wanted another child. It’s just that after so many losses, you start to ask yourself if maybe you aren’t listening to God’s plan for your life correctly. We thought, maybe God doesn’t have another child planned for us and we need to stop pursuing this and instead focus on the amazing family that we already have.
Also, sometimes the waiting changes you. After spending over a year on two agency waitlists and experiencing many losses, you are just changed. You can change a lot in a year. You desires and hopes can change a lot in a year. Living from a feeling of constant longing and waiting can make it difficult to put down roots in your current life and live in the present moment. We didn’t want to give up on the dream of another child in our family, but we also didn’t want our longing to cause us to give up the dream of being the best parents we could be to our current family.
So, we couldn’t definitively say, “we’re done.” We couldn’t bring ourselves to call up the agencies and tell them to take us off their lists. We did stop leading prayers for “baby brother or sister” out loud with the boys, because we didn’t want them to be disappointed if it turned out to not be God’s plan for us. You know what, they never stopped praying nightly for “baby brother or sister” and honestly, they usually only prayed for, “baby sister.” God hears the prayers of the little children right!?
Knowing our home study would need to be updated again in spring, we decided to stay open to another child until the end of the year. We decided that we would not update our home study again. We asked God very specifically, “To send us our child by the end of 2015 if that was his plan for us.”
So, imagine my surprise when on November 9th at 3pm I received a call from one of our agencies. Agencies do not generally call you to just check in. They typically call with either really great news or really NOT great news. In the past few months, I’d received several of both kinds.
This time it was good news….
“We have a baby girl for you.”
“The birthmother has terminated rights and the 10 day revocation window has passed.”
“She’s healthy and in a caring home waiting for you to pick her up.”
“How soon can you and your husband fly down?”
Every time I’ve received this call in the past, I’ve sobbed joyful, happy, excited, thankful tears the entire call. This time, I listened in complete silence. I remember saying two things to the 5 people from the agency that had me on speaker phone.
“I know my response isn’t very emotional, I am honestly happy, I’m just cautious.”
“How soon can we fly down?”
I got off the phone with the agency and called my husband at work around 3:25pm. For all of the past adoption matches we’ve had, I’ve always done something thoughtful to tell him the exciting news. One time I wrote him a special letter from his daughter-to-be that ended, “P.S. Daddy, will you walk me down the aisle someday?” Another time I arranged for a special gender reveal cake and we celebrated over big slices of pink cake.
Here’s what I said this time, “So, do you have a minute….well, the agency just called and they have our daughter and they want us to come pick her up as soon as possible.”
We were so happy, but so very cautious and trying to protect our hearts this time.
We flew out the next day and had our precious little girl in our arms that night.
I’ve never experienced a moment so filled with peace and contentment, a feeling of unwavering “this is right,” such immediate intense and unconditional love, as I did when they placed my daughter in my arms that night for the first time.
I pretty much sobbed the entire meeting and didn’t take my eyes off of her and my husband read through all of the adoption paperwork and showed me where to sign and initial.
Of course, for THIS child I prayed. The other sweet children placed in our path, weren’t meant to be ours for some reason, but they needed to touch our lives perhaps for prayers and love to be sent their way. But this little girl…she was meant to be ours!
Totally worth the wait and thank God we didn’t call it quits prematurely!
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