Motherhood shouldn’t feel like corporate America, but sometimes it does. It shouldn’t feel cut throat, competitive, and individualistic, but sometimes us mommas tend to compete, compare, and fight to “become the best.” We hide our weaknesses, frustrations and we pretend like we’ve got it all perfectly together.
We send out silly Christmas letters that highlight the moments of perfection from our past year and anytime something fun and happy happens, we flood social media to share. If we’re having a wedding anniversary, we rant and rave on Facebook about how amazing and perfect our spouse is and how the past X number of years have been a complete and utter dream. We hide if we’re feeling a little down and depressed, because of course we can’t come off weak to other moms.
I know, I know, free speech; we all get to post and share whatever we want, whenever we want! And sure, we should share our joys and celebrate them! I get that, but what it creates is a false image of motherhood. It places motherhood in a happy little snow globe where everything stands still, content and where joyful glitter rains down whenever needed to maintain sparkly perfection.
Motherhood is an amazing blessing, but let’s get real my sisters in motherhood, it isn’t a snow globe wonderland.….it’s extremely difficult! Sure there are many glitter packed moments, but there are many more figurative and literal poop filled moments.
If we pretend everything is perfect, we aren’t being real and when we’re all at the point of exhaustion and frustration, we need other moms in our lives to be real with us. When people open up to us, it gives us courage to be honest in return. Sometimes we have to be the first open up.
It always amazes me that when I get the courage to open up to a mom friend about a struggle or frustration, they almost always have experienced something similar or are even currently going through the same feelings or struggles.
It’s easy to see the listening part of friendship as a ministry; we try to listen to our momma friends and give good advice if requested. However, an even more important ministry in motherhood is being open and authentic to other moms about the struggles and questions we have.
In my previous job, I can remember the feeling of finishing a major finalist presentation or client meeting. I always felt so relieved and usually happy, because it went well or because we at least established next steps that made the client happy. We’d get out of the meeting (with everyone and God, seriously we’d have like 12 people there from our company) and seriously NO ONE would say anything about the meeting. We’d figure out where to go to lunch or we’d all go our separate ways with usually little to no review or discussion of what went well and what could have gone better. It used to drive me nuts, because I felt like that reflection and assessment was perhaps even more important than the actual meeting itself.
Similarly, sometimes we don’t talk about the nuts and bolts of motherhood enough with our momma friends. When we don’t share openly and discuss, we are left wondering and floundering.
Am I the only one struggling? Am I the only one feeling stressed or sad? Am I the only one not getting any sleep? Is so and so a better mom than me? How is her house always spotless? How does she make dinner every night? Am I the only one with 15 loads of laundry to do? Are my kids the only ones throwing tantrums in the middle of Target? Am I a good mom? Am I the only one that yells at my kids? Am I trying hard enough? Am I good enough? Am I creative enough? What should I make for dinner?
We need each other as moms. We need each other in our real and true form. We need each other on the days we are rocking out motherhood. We need each other on the days we feel like the worst mom in the world.
We need to share our joys and frustrations with each other. We need to laugh at our Pinterest fails together and brainstorm new missions together.
We need to be honest when we aren’t feeling like ourselves. We need to ask our momma friends how they are feeling when we feel like something is off. We need to ask for help.
Reach out to your mom friends. If you think of someone one day and haven’t thought of them in a while, reach out to them, because they probably need you.
If you’re feeling down or depressed, tell a mom friend you trust. You might be amazed when they tell you they’ve been feeling the same way now or that they have in the past.
Remember, we’re here to help each other revel in the sparkle-snow globe moments and to help shovel the poo that rains down in the other moments.
Have a great week.
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