I recently shared a post called 5 Tips to Survive the Adoption Wait. Those tips and just staying busy and faithful really do help while you are waiting for your child via adoption. But sometimes, while you’re waiting, you just have a bad day or a bad week. We probably all have them. Everything builds up or you’re left alone with your thoughts for too long and the sadness, fear, and even anger slip in.
You might think to yourself….I just want to be a mom NOW! Or I just want my family to finally be complete!
If you’re having one of those days or weeks, this is for you…
Today I’m fine, content even; trying to live my life normally in between the moments of anxiety. I’m anxious for my child. I’m anxious for my family to be complete.
I sip a coffee and munch a muffin and I’m happy.
Most days I “keep the faith” and “trust in God’s plan and timing” and I do all right. I’m happy and living in the moment, until I’m not.
I’m happy and happy and happy and then BAM the next day, no, the next minute, I’m curled up in my bed, husband’s arms around me, crying soft tears. Tears because I’m missing my child whom I haven’t yet met.
Then a few more tears of impatience slip out. We’ve been waiting and waiting and still, no child. People offer unsolicited encouragement and advice, “It will happen, be patient,” “Don’t worry you’re still young,” and “You know when you finally adopt, you’ll get pregnant.”
I smile at them and say thanks and then secretly scream at them in my head, “YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS IS LIKE” and “I DO TRUST IN GOD, BUT, I WANT IT NOW!” I know they probably had good intentions.
Or I’m happy and happy and happy and then BAM I’m angry. Angry and disgusted that millions of babies are being mindlessly murdered; babies that could be mine. Babies that could be loved by me. Babies that could be loved by thousands of people waiting like me.
Many almost children have touched our path: a newly born baby girl that we traveled many miles to pick up, a premature little boy, a 15 month old girl, and even a sibling group of five. All of them God’s sweet children, but all of them not chosen to be our children for some reason.
Then comes the part of the cycle, where I dry my tears, dig deep, and get back to happy. Waiting and waiting, but happy. Faithful and content. I get back to living, waiting, but living.
I move on knowing I may cry more tears in the future and that’s okay. You can’t be “cured” of missing your future child. I resolve to turn those tears into prayers. Prayers for my little almost children. Prayers for my future son or daughter. Prayers for my future child’s birthparents.
I imagine the first time I’ll see my little one. I imagine my baby girl or boy being gently placed into my arms. I imagine that moment, because it’s the moment where the anxiety, sadness, and anger will melt away. It will all make sense. THIS child is the one we’ve been waiting for. It will all be so clear. We had to wait for this very child. This was God’s plan.
So, rather than wait for that “a-ha moment” when my child arrives, I draw that future imagine in as fuel for faith during the waiting. Faith in God’s plan and timing that my dream of becoming a mother to another little one will come true.
To all of you waiting, you are not alone. The waiting is nearly impossible some days. But there may be many days of waiting. So, you can either chose to live those days in perpetual sadness and anger or you can turn your emotions into fuel for faith and patience. Faith that someday soon, you’ll get your moment; the moment when you finally meet your child for the first time. In that moment, it will all make sense.
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