Right when I think I’m ready to write about how the adoption waiting period is much easier the second time around, I have a few weeks in a row that prove that theory false. I can remember the wait for our first baby, it was fairly agonizing at times and there were moments when I was definitely not waiting with much grace. I was trusting in God’s plan and timing, but still, it was hard and emotional, because I JUST WANTED TO BE A MOM! I can remember long conversations with God, questioning him, begging him, borderline making deals with him, if he would just hurry up and give me my baby already.
And then a month before my sister was due with her twin boys, I received a call from our adoption agency that our twin boys were born five days prior and were ready for us to pick them up. That was an a-ha moment and reminder of God’s perfect plan and timing. He had our sons picked out for us; I just needed to be patient.
High on emotions and fresh off infertility fun, I didn’t do the wait as well as I could have the first time. So, I vowed to wait with more grace the second time around.
I’m doing much better this time, because I do trust that God will bring us the child that he wants to be ours. And with each situation that comes up and then ends in heartbreak, I try to stand firm in the fact that I was meant to be in that situation for a time for some reason, even if to just send extra prayers up for baby and birthmom. I’m also an extremely busy mom of twin toddlers, so that helps keep the mind busy!
I still have moments of doubt and crazy during this wait too.
Has anyone else waiting had any thoughts like these?
Is anything going on? Is our profile book or letter even being shown? If it is being shown, why aren’t we being picked? Do they not like our book or even worse, us? Should I change something in our book or update the photos? If our profile book or letter isn’t being shown, why not? Did I choose the right agency? I thought they were so busy? Why aren’t they working with more birthmothers?
Whether you are waiting to be matched with your first child or your second or your third, or more, the waiting can feel nearly impossible at times. All you can really do is set yourself up for success by completing your home study, choosing reputable agencies, and creating an awesome profile book and/or birthparent letter. After that you have to just LET GO and TRUST, trust your agency and most importantly, trust in God’s plan and timing. He has chosen your child for you; sometimes it just takes a while to be brought together!
You might not know it now, but this waiting period is actually a blessing or at least you can turn it into a blessing. Once you have your child and you join the ranks of other exhausted, sleep-deprived parents, then you will wish you had turned your waiting period into a blessing! I know I did!
Here are 5 tips to Survive the Adoption Wait.
- Get Right with Yourself: This baby or child will NOT complete you! You have to be complete before you welcome baby home. The wait is your chance to get right with yourself. Suggestions: Exercise, eat healthy, pamper yourself with bubble baths and massages, be spontaneous and carefree, spend time with your friends, do the thing you say you’ve always wanted to do, take up that hobby you’ve always wanted to try, and connect with other families blessed by adoption.
- Get Right with Your Marriage: This baby or child will NOT finally make your marriage perfect. If things are already great in your marriage, work to keep them great! The wait is your chance to get or stay right with your marriage. Suggestions: Take a vacation (even a mini-vacation if it’s all you can swing), savor date nights and sleeping in late, spend time with your friends, work on the areas of your marriage that need work, talk about how you’ll parent and discipline, prepare for how you will deal with and answer crazy things people will say/ask you in regards to adoption.
- Get Prepared for Your New Addition: It may take some time, but probably on the day that you least expect it, you will finally get the glorious call. The call when you find out you are parents! The wait is your chance to get ready for your baby or child. Suggestions: Find a pediatrician, start child-proofing your house, work on the nursery, purchase books on adoption for you and baby, complete a baby registry at your favorite store, put together a “go” bag for when you receive the call, start researching travel arrangements if you have to travel.
- Get Your Family Prepared: If you are blessed to have family support during the adoption process, take time to get your family prepared for what to expect during the wait and for when you finally get the call. The wait is your chance to get your family on board and as excited as you are about your adoption journey and the little one on the way. Suggestions: Help them understand open adoption, prepare them for what to expect during the process and about potential heart breaks, discuss what kind of child you have decided you are open to, be honest with them about what you need and how they can show their support both now and when you bring your child home, explain to them why you may not want to play pass the baby with the entire extended family when you return.
- Get Your Prayer On: Like I said earlier, you can only control so much of the adoption process and the rest you just have to trust the journey and give it to God. Give him your fears and anxieties. It won’t help you to be filled with anything but expectant joy as you wait for your little one. That is easier said than done for sure, but praying versus fretting will help. Suggestions: Pray for contentment in your decisions, pray for your child’s safety and health, pray for your child’s birthparents, pray for patience, grace, and joy during the wait, pray for your significant other, pray for the workers at your agency, and pray for help staying calm!
If you can manage to turn the waiting period into a blessing, you will be happy you did and better prepared for your miracle when he or she arrives.
What would you add to the list? How are you surviving the wait?
Blessings on your adoption journey!
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