Giggle Giggle Toot Roar

Striving to answer the call to motherhood and wifeyhood with joy, Jesus, and crazy dancing.

Farewell to Dear Little One

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Many of us have dreamt for decades of having children and when the time to start trying finally comes, it is exciting! Until it isn’t. And it isn’t, because it isn’t happening.

I wrote this poem as part of my grieving process when I learned (after much trying) that we wouldn’t likely have biological children. When this happens, you feel so many emotions. Having gone through it, I now feel strongly that feeling each emotion is important. You deserve to let yourself feel the pain, anger, and sadness (without shame), for you may have just come to the realization that you won’t have a baby the way you always expected to.

Allow yourself to wade through the muck of the emotions. Be gentle with yourselves and feel what you feel. But know, you can’t stay in that muck forever. You can’t let it stall your life and dredge you down forever. You know if you are meant to be a mother.

Feel what you feel, but don’t get stuck indefinitely in the muck! You won’t find a baby there.

Boots-Farewell to little one

This poem is dedicated to the many women (and your spouses) out there trying so desperately to build your families.  Please know you are not alone. Please know that when you decide to step out of the muck, there is light and hope waiting to embrace you.

You may keep trying to have a biological child and have a success. You may be too tired to keep trying. You may have no choice, but to look into different options. Please know that adoption is a beautiful blessing and option for you.

To my dear friends and family that will read this and cry, thank you for your prayers, but please know I am through this grief and while the sadness pops up from time to time, I am out of the muck! I have two sons. I am a mother!

Please share with anyone going through this or friends/family that might need to better understand what you are going through!

Farewell to Dear Little One

Dear Little One,

When I was younger I dreamed I’d have you by the age of 26,
And when daddy and I were married we were open to you without conflict.

But as the years rolled on and you never showed your sweet face,
We prayed and tried and cried and tried and tried again just in case.

Dear Little One,

I may never sit in silent joy celebrating your positive pregnancy test,
Or surprise your daddy with first news of you, telling him how we’ve been blessed.

We’ll never get to tell our family and reveal you as pink or blue,
Or pass around our ultrasounds, everyone searching for a gender clue,

But little one you will still be missed.

I may never moan and groan as my body grows and changes with you inside.
I’ll never feel you kick or listen to your heartbeat for the first time with pride.

I won’t feel a rush of excitement as my water breaks and contractions begin,
Or experience the motherly pain of your birth as I pray and pray for a win!

But dear little one you will still be missed.

I’ll never get to snuggle you close moments after your birth,
Or learn to breastfeed you, bonding us in moments like the only two on earth.

People won’t say, “Look at her she’s got her mother’s eyes,”
Or “I wonder if he’ll be strong and tall, grow up to his daddy’s size?”

I won’t wonder if you will like art, reading, and cooking just like me,
Or if you’ll like diggers, cranes, numbers, and lights just like your daddy.
We won’t just wait and see.

Dear little one,
I’ve spent time joyfully waiting for you,
patiently praying for you,
lovingly crying for you.

We’ve tried really hard for you.
I’ve cried and cried waiting for you.
I’ve begged God to bless us with you.
I want to be a mother to you.

Then little one, finally, one day, I woke up and realized the motherhood I so longed for is about more than the sadness and pain I’ve been dwelling in.

So, dear little one,
The time has come for me to say goodbye,
To turn my sorrow into joy and do more than just cry.

For while I may never have a little one born from my own womb,
There are other ways to become a mother and my heart certainly has room.

So, to be the best mother that I desire to be,
I say goodbye to my sadness, my pain, and my grief.
Those things are keeping me from being whole like life’s greedy thief.

For happy, whole, and secure in myself I must be,
Before I can embrace a new path to motherhood,
placing the journey in God’s hands is key.

God Bless and Love,

Natasha

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45 thoughts on “Farewell to Dear Little One

  1. Natasha, I am so inspired by your blog. I just read your “About Me” page and thought it was the perfect mix of hilarious and sincere. I have so enjoyed following you. I just nominated you for a Liebster award. You can see it here: http://pendulumworld.wordpress.com/2014/10/08/liebster-award-discover-some-of-my-favorite-blogs/

    Thank you again for being so real, hilarious, and inspiring!

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    • Well, you just made my week Maria! Thanks for your kind words and I’m shocked I made someone laugh, because I have a weird sense of humor! I already have a Liebster, but I can’t thank you enough for the nomination. THANK YOU!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I just saw your post on HuffPost Parents!! I wanted to shout out, “Oh my, I know her!!” Then it dawned on me I don’t actually “know” you. I feel like I do though, from all the sharing of each other’s hearts we have done. 🙂 CONGRATS!!! I am so excited for you!!

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  3. Beyond beautiful Natasha. My heart broke for you. I cannot tell you how happy I am there was a true happy ever after still in store at the end of your broken road.

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    • Thanks Sasha. I’m thankfully living happily ever after, but I hope the poem helps others going through the same thing know they aren’t alone and that adoption may be there path to family.

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  4. Just Beautiful, I’m speechless. Thanks for sharing this part of your heart xoxo

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  5. This is heartbreaking and beautiful! I went through something like that. The support this post can provide to somebody suffering is so great!

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  6. What a beautiful poem! I am tearing up at work! Thank you for sharing this!

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  7. This is a beautiful article Natasha and so full of emotion!

    Sent from my iPad

    >

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This was so beautifully written, Natasha. I can’t imagine the heartache, but you have handled this with such strength and poise. I admire you so much for that.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. It’s so amazing how you have demonstrated every emotion involved. This is so important for so many women out there. Beautiful!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. This. This was honest and beautiful. Great job of taking us on the journey. And you’ve reached such a healthy place. May your story give others hope! Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. This is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us.

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  12. Lovely poem Natasha. It gave me a whole new perspective and appreciation for the different ways to motherhood.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. This was absolutely beautiful! Thank you for sharing. 🙂

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  14. This was beautiful! Having 2 children of my own, I often times forget that it’s a special blessing and not everyone gets to experience it in the same way. Thank you for being a reminder and having an attitude that most only wish they could have!

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  15. Oh Natasha, this was unbelievably beautiful!!!! I cried like a baby! I’m sharing this with a dear friend and in fact ebook and Twitter. You are a strong, brave, beautiful soul!

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  16. This is so beautifully said. I too am so inspired by the real, raw emotions you shared. There is so much power when people allow themselves to feel all they are feeling. My sister and sister in law have in the past or are struggling with infertility. It helps me so much to read what you said, because I want so badly to be someone they can talk to. Loved the post and poem. Thank you 🙂

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  17. Natasha, that is so beautiful! How wonderful of you to share something so personal and meaningful!

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  18. Oh Natasha, wiping tears. Love this. I see a long journey to come to this poem and wish you all the best in the new one ahead.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Reblogged this on Atlanta Mom of Three and commented:
    The poem and story of a mother’s journey through infertility. Prepare to cry with this one! Just beautiful…

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Oh my goodness, I cried too. This is beautiful and heartbreaking. I’m not really sure what else to say except thank you. XO

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Haha! The comment that I thought had been lost in oblivion returned… so sorry, didn’t mean to spam!

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  22. Oh my gosh my entire comment disappeared!

    I want you to know that you are so brave for sharing this!! And I really am thankful you shared it with me over on my blog. I’d love to share it with my readers with your permission of course. I’d like to reference it then send them to your page to read the poem here. Is this ok?
    By the way, I cried throughout the entire thing.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Thank you so much for sharing this with me on my blog. I cried all the way through. It is beautiful! Do you mind if I share this on my page (giving you full credit, of course)? I don’t want to share the entire thing, just a small portion with a link to your post so they can read the rest here. I think it’s so incredibly strong and brave of you to share these feelings and emotions.

    Liked by 1 person